It’s happened to the best of us. You have a great idea or project (or relationship!) you are working on, and throw your hopes, resources, and self into it, only to have things turn out…not the way you wanted them to.
Here’s how to get back on the horse and ride again, my friends.
1) Forgive Yourself. I’ve listed this one first for a reason – it’s the most important step! Time and time again I see clients and friends holding themselves back from moving forward because they are beating themselves up for something they did in a previous time. This just isn’t necessary. We all make mistakes, it’s a completely natural part of life, and part of the learning process. If you are able to identify what you have learned from the situation, then you are well on your way to the situation having served it’s purpose.
In the words of Richard Bandler, one of the co-founders of Neurolingusitic programming (a.k.a. that thing Anthony Robbins does), “there is no such thing as failure, only feedback”. Think about it.
2) Forgive Others. This step can be almost as hard as forgiving yourself, and sometimes even harder. There are MANY valid reasons to hold a grudge towards someone, especially if you feel they have wronged you (and in many cases, they visibly have!). Listen up, because this is really important: you don’t forgive other people for THEM; you forgive other people for YOU. As the saying goes ” holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Another way of looking at it is when we are holding onto grudges and other heavy emotions, it is like trying to climb a mountain with a bag of bowling balls on our back. It’s just not very effective.
When we let go of grudges and resentment, it is like we are setting down the bowling balls and are able to travel more lightly through life. As one of my coaches so poignantly used to ask me “would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?”.
Forgive others. Forgive Yourself. You’re worth it.
3) Figure out what it is that you want. This sounds so basic, I almost didn’t include it, but it’s SUCH an important step I couldn’t leave it out. Here’s where many people get so mixed up: we spend so much time worrying about what we DON’T want, that it pulls focus from what we DO want. Again, it’s not something else to beat yourself up over, just make a shift in your focus. By becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and words, you can begin to re-focus your attention and energies onto what you want to create from here on out. As the saying goes: “energy flows where attention goes”.
Manifestation tip: sit down and write out a list of what you want to come into your life. This is most effective if it is future-paced; i.e. if you want to be in a relationship, you could write down the statement something to the effect of “I am in a happy relationship with the perfect mate for me”. If you want to lose weight, you could say something like: “I am at my goal weight and enjoying the ease and freedom I feel in my body’ . If you feel stuck in a dead-end job, you could write something to the effect of “I am self-employed, doing what I love to do, and easily making a six-figure income”. Whatever your dream is, go for it! (And keep the affirmations in a place you can see them often).
Here’s the great news: it doesn’t have to make sense and you don’t have to know ANYTHING about how to draw these things into your life. If you have a clear intention and are willing to focus your energies upon them diligently, you will see the fruits of your effort.
If you are feeling resistance to this, don’t worry. It’s natural, and even if you are skeptical on a conscious level, your subconscious mind is ALWAYS listening. If you keep reinforcing new, more positive beliefs into your mind, in time, they will become habitual thought patterns.
Just remember, your future does not have to equal your past. That’s just a myth. If you come at things at a different angle, you will get different results. Even one degree of a shift on a boat’s navigation system will send the boat in a completely different direction, and ultimately it will land at a different destination.
By simply being willing to focus your energy on what you desire you to the exclusion of everything else, you are already paving the way for more good to come into your life.
4) Create a New Intention – so what if that last relationship didn’t work out. So what if your artistic aspirations didn’t work out the way you wanted in the past. Every day is a new day, and these things only have to define you if you LET them. The reality is, your life is a like a blank canvas, and you are creating the picture you see with your thoughts, words, beliefs, and actions. What picture do you want to paint NOW?
5) Line Up With Your Intention- this could take many forms. It could look like cutting out magazine pictures of the things you want and placing them on a poster board with inspirational words alongside them. (you can also do this digitally, by the way, on many sites). It could mean spending five minutes each day fantasizing about what it will be like when you receive what you are asking for. Essentially, you want to imagine what it will feel like to achieve your end result.
6) Act on it! – step six is a natural extension of step five (lining up with your intention). If you are truly doing the work to put yourself in the EMOTIONAL space of what it will feel like to achieve your end result, you will naturally begin to feel motivated to take action. You will know when you are ready because wild horses won’t be able to stop you from moving forward and taking action- it will be THAT compelling. Ideally, it will simultaneously feel peaceful, so that you know it is truly a desire of your heart- and not your ego. And the desires of your heart are there because they are meant to be fulfilled.
What are the desires of your heart? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!
Warmly,
Jennifer
Jennifer Gaynor, CH, MCP is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping singles who don’t know why they haven’t attracted their mates attract them. She also has helped her clients overcome emotional eating and lose weight. By combining NLP, and a unique type of EFT (Emotional Freedom technique) Jennifer helps her clients to become free of their blind spots, blocks and limiting beliefs so they can easily attract what they want into their life.
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