Ah, the holidays. The time of year when the weather is cooler, we have time off of work, we get together with friends and family – and potentially have our buttons pushed by those related to us. If you think you are the only person on the planet who has had internal or external conflict with your family during the holidays, rest assured – you are not alone.
Here’s how to cope, and have your holidays be a fun, joyous, and peaceful experience – no matter who comes to Thanksgiving.
1) Be aware of your own stress level, and take steps to manage it. It is so easy to get frazzled during the holidays. There is more to do than usual, and many people feel pressured to buy the perfect gifts, wear the perfect outfits, and host the perfect parties. Crowded malls and traffic systems don’t help. It helps to take a step back and know what your values are. For example, if you value love, ask yourself the question, how can I be more loving to myself, and to others? Please note, this doesn’t have to be something monetary.
For example, allowing yourself twenty minutes to take a bath and/or meditate, and giving others around you the gift of yourself in a peaceful and loving state instead of stressed is a wonderful gift. Another example would be, if you value peace, ask yourself if holding onto that grudge from ten years ago towards your mother is really bringing you it. Consider how you might feel instead (and what you would create) if you forgave her, which brings us to the next option…
2) Be willing to forgive. There is a quote by the Buddha that goes: “holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. In the case of families, you’ll very likely find that resentment can in fact poison both you and your family relations – even for decades. A simple remedy for this is to write out a list of everything you are gaining by holding onto a grudge towards someone. Then write out another list of what you will gain by forgiving that person. Then, check in with your own core values, and see which list is more in alignment with each choice. You may very likely find that you have more to gain by forgiving, then by holding onto the past. This is best done before the actual event where you are meeting up with the involved individuals. If you get stuck and need help with this, consider hiring a professional (like a trained EFT or NLP practitioner) to help you release the emotions that are holding you back from moving forward. You have your own freedom and peace to gain by being free of unwanted emotions.
3) Up your Emotional Intelligence: Emotional Intelligence is the ability to recognize how our actions affect our selves and others. A person who is highly emotionally intelligent has an ability to recognize effective management, control, and awareness of their own emotions and those of others.
Here is a technique you can use to up your own emotional intelligence: when someone says or does something that ruffles your feathers, PAUSE for a moment. Take a long slow inhale for four counts, pause for five counts, and then let the exhalation extend out for six counts. Repeat two more times. Then ask yourself, how would (insert core value) respond? For example, if one of your core values is humor you would ask yourself “how would humor respond?” If you have a core value of love, you could ask, “how would love respond”? You will find that you feel significantly better and see, hear, and feel better results when you live your life from the truth of your values, and not just from a knee jerk-reaction. If you get stuck, imagine seeing, hearing, and feeling what it will be like to have peaceful interactions with your family, then work backwards.
If all else fails, you could also try imagining the person bothering you as a cartoon character. It’s hard to be upset when you are laughing hysterically.
4) Stay Present. There is a yogic saying which states, “depression is caused by looking at the past, anxiety is caused by looking at the future. Happiness is in the present.” If you shift your attention to all you have to be appreciative of – including your family, right now – you are sure to notice a difference in the quality of your holiday experience.
Here’s to a happy, successful, joyous, loving, fun, and peaceful holiday season for all.
Jennifer Gaynor-Yaker , CHt, is a certified life and relationship coach and hypnotherapist. She is also certified in Neurolingustic Programming and EFT with Source Technique™ at the mastery level, Pilates, and yoga, and is a Feng Shui fanatic. She specializes in helping people find and release their hidden blocks or “blind spots” that are holding them back so they can easily step into manifesting the life they truly desire. Her approach addresses all levels – mind, body, and spirit, and home. She lives in Venice, CA, with her husband Richard who is also a life coach. Together, they own Conscious Life Coaching. The company’s mission is to help others co-create their ideal lives in the most conscious, joyous, and efficient way possible. You can visit them at support@conscious-life-coaching.com for more information.
If you would like assistance uncovering your core values and coping with others during the holidays, email consciouslifecoaching@gmail.com. Put “I’d like to schedule a complimentary Discovery session” in the subject line.